-What do we usually react to after cheated?
After cheated, most of us want two things that are contradictory. We want or hurt the person who hurt us, the deeper the more tortuous we are, as we have suffered or we want to show superiority and to forgive the other person .
But none of these tactics will work. The words we want to hurt the other will turn boomerang and make us feel as bad as we hoped the other would feel. On the other hand, forgiveness, especially if we do not really mean it, tends to prove condemnation to the actions of the other.
-What can make me feel better?
Every problem has its own history and healing. But we can say this: you can completely shut your wounds when you have covered the void left by betrayal and you can “cure” the other when you overcome your need for revenge . Love makes you tied to another person, being able to feel his feelings like yours. If you know from such ties, you know it’s kind of a bit rare and when the rupture comes, it’s like losing half your self.
-What do I have to do to find myself again?
1. Distancing yourself . Move away and see yourself not as a victim but as the one who wants to help.
2. Do not show feelings you do not feel. Do not behave like you feel better or worse than what you really feel.
3. Organize a plan for your emotional recovery . Focus where you hurt or feel hurt or see yourself as a victim to be immediately cured Do not let the time do it for you. How will you act, then?
4. Feel the void and lament about it for the loss . But promise that you will make an effort to overcome it.
5. Find someone who has overcome the same problem and discuss.
6. Reduce the feeling of compassion that you feel for yourself by helping others . This will re-establish your self-confidence.
And of course, there are things you have to avoid after a betrayal. What are these;
1. Desperate to find what you’ve done wrong . It will cause you more pain.
2. Turn your pain into an ongoing drama. Think you’ll lose the loss forever.
3. Talk to wrong people about the incident . See who really can understand you.
4. Beautify the past and talk with passion for moments that have passed.
With pen and paper write down what you need to do and then write down the ones that go back to you … Be honest and objective. Starting a recording is in itself a way of healing, because the key to “psychological healing” is awareness.
The two lists with options may look different, but they are actually the two extremes. One day you are on the right track and the other can escape. The basic thing is to know that you are gentle with yourself when you begin to be gentle with the one who betrayed you. It sounds, of course, unlikely when your pain is incalculable, but you can not be good with yourself unless you feel emotions like tolerance and acceptance beyond your personal interest.
In the end, once you reach the “healing” stage, you will see how lucky you are. As tremendous treachery is, forgiveness belongs to those who know how to love, and you will be one of them.